when you choose to be a lonely rooster,
some things are great.
you can have anything you want from anyone,
and you never have to put up with
nag
nag
nag.
you can sleep with 2 or 3 or 4 women in a week.
you can stay up till tomorrow.
you can eat whatever and whomever you want.
fly to rome,
hitchhike to vegas,
stay in bed,
drink for breakfast.
all in all, it is quite nice having been a 14 year old with a drivers liscense and the ability to buy booze. i may stick with it for another 20 years.
the problem is
holidays.
no one around,
no warm company,
no greetings,
no gifts,
no circle of smiling friends,shaking hands,
singing along.
no safe home.
so i sit today in the sun of the pacific.
not bad at all.
i'll sit all day,
and into tonight,
and think of how great it is to be free,
to be the 14 year old rooster.
i'll smile even bigger at the bar tonight.
but just for today
my cockadoodledoo
is an empty roar.
just for today i am not really laughing,
the bellows and smile cover up,
my envy
my loss
my fear of losing all this nothing that i have made.
just for today, and christmas, maybe new years, although new years can be a holiday for roosters too.
maybe for birthdays,
but really not much else...
these couple of days are the longest ones.
the quietest ones.
just listening to the chinese couple next door play tennis and argue away in a pitch that could peel the paint. a couple of planes. a breeze in the palms from time to time.
long. empty. quiet.
these days are for you, your family, your life and the wonderful world you have made.
the rest of them, they are for me.
doesn't seem much, just 363,
days to do and be what i want,
go everywhere and run wild and haunt,
keep running faster, year after year,
until it all moves so fast,
it all becomes clear.
everywhere's home.
all of them lovers.
everyone brothers and sisters.
the gift for me,
i unwrap this day, the space, the time.
tied up with a bow,
it is room to notice,
to breathe,
to let everyone go home,
leave me be
with the sleeping sun,
ocean of dust,
and my new best friend,
this pigeon on my doorstep,
who just took a shit
on my thanksgiving froot loops.