seems like fever is the best high these days.
best one can hope for anyhow
given the circumstances of who i've become.
finally i get to shudder and sweat
just like i used to.
lose weight and shit the bed
just like back then.
there are people walking in the hall
and on the wall in the hall,
i am sure the latter aren't real.
i can finally be pale
gaunt
black circle eyed.
i can whimper at the sight of oprah on the t.v.
i can tear up at the suggestion in the commercials
especially the ones for long lost animals
and dying children.
i can recoil at the touch of another person.
i have a good excuse.
i can sleep all day,
stay up all night,
eat a whole box of popsicles
only then to projectile vomit them
into the sink
acroos the room
onto the floor
the mirror
the wall
luscious greens
deep blues
and pinks
still soluable
as they drip down
in bile rivers,
chasing my heart
my hopes
my mind.
just like they used to
way back when
before my fall
before i was broken
when i was still sweet
hopeful
empty
and ready for the world to give me the ride.